I need you now, more than I have ever needed you before.

Yeah, I need you. Pretty bad. But I can't even tell you why I need you, because all you'll say is, "seek God in this. He'll get your through it." I know He will, but I need you to be here, too. I need to know that you still care about me. I need to know that comfort feeling of knowing you still think about me. I haven't been right since we broke up. I've gone completely down hill, inside. On the outside..I put on this happy face so people won't constantly ask me whats wrong, because that is so annoying. I have to ACT happy so people will stop asking me. No one listened, or understood like you did. No one. But, it doesn't seem like I will ever get you back. You seem like you're happy. Glad you are. I guess life is still amazing, as always, for you. Just needed to let you know what was going on.

"See you then",
Brooke

I was never good enough, was i?

I hope you read this..

Today was Valentine's day...I was alone, again. For the second year in a row..
I'm apparently not good enough for you, or anyone else.
I actually truly loved you. You were my first real love.. I thought I loved Stephen, but now that I think about it..I never loved him, I just loved the fact of having a boyfriend. You, on the other hand, I really loved you. You made me happy, you were my happiness. Something still tells me that you're the one that I'll be with you again..but then there's people & other gut feelings that tell me, you're not coming back. Just because you're going to be away, doesn't mean we can't still be together. We could have a Dear John relationship..well, minus a small part. But that's besides the point. We could make this work, if we really wanted it to. I want it to work out, I want to be with you. I would do ANYTHING to be with you, again.. I just don't know what to do anymore..I'm tired of not feeling good enough, I'm tired of being alone..I want to be with you. Desperately... I wish I could tell you all of this, or someone could tell you all of this..just to get it through your head..


I will always love you.

"See you then",
Brooke

Wish you were here.

I need you. Right now.
But I can't even pick up the phone & call you & just talk to you, because I need someone to talk to. I just don't have that anymore. I don't have you to run to when I need someone to just listen & be there. I don't have.....YOU.


'the truth is all I hear, every time you lie.'


Wish you were here.

'See you then',
Brooke

I miss the old you.

Yeah, I miss you. I'm going to miss you.
But right now, I'm really disappointed, mad at you. Everything I do, everywhere I go..I see you. This is straight up ridiculous. I never, ever thought that I would ever have to go through this again, especially not with you. You were suppose to be different. Just like I have been since the day you broke up with me, I'll be waiting. No matter what, I'll always be here. Even when you go away for two years. I still have hope in you & the fact that maybe, just maybe...you're my 'John', like John in Dear John.

'See you then',
Brooke

July 18, 2009

I'm sorry that I deleted all the other blogs, but I was mad, upset, etc. when I did it. So, I guess I just get to start all over again :)

So, I'm just going to ramble..about nonsense!
First off, I just want you to know that you're amazing. You make me so happy, just being around you I can't help but be happy, no matter how hard I try to be mad at you, it never works. Your laugh is so contagious. Your eyes are so pretty, I love your eyes. Your smile, brightens my day, especially when I put it on your cute face. I love when your hug me especially when you hug me REALLY tight. It lets me know that you don't want me to go, but if I could help it, I would never leave. Never, ever. I love the moments when you just stare in my eyes, I don't know what it is about that, but I love it. I love when we can just sit there & flirt with each other like we're in junior high. I love how we can be so immature at times, but we know when to be mature...if that made ANY sense. ha I love when you pull me into your lap..it lets me know that you want me there & you want me as close as possible. I love walking down the sidewalk in downtown Hartsville, the mall, anywhere, holding hands. The smallest things make the happiest with you. I love the fact that I can be with you all day long & never get bored & never want to go home. I love the fact that I can sit there with you & do absolutely nothing all day, & still be completely & totally happy. All in all, I'm just happy with you...even though I'm not OFFICIALLY with you, again yet.
Oh & who in the world could forget about those kisses...the sweet, passionate ones..then the jeeptime aggressive ones. ;)



And now on to the other stuff that I wanted to let you know..
SO!, I'm super, super excited about Spring break..spending an entire week with you at one of my favorite places..can you even begin to imagine how amazing that's going to be? Because I don't think you quite understand how excited I am..& the fact that I'm almost completely positive my parents are going to say I can go, because of the fact that they like you & trust you & your family. Ahhhh! So excitedddd. Then, I wanna have a pinic when it gets warm. And!, you have to go to swan lake with me & my family, we do it every year! Its so fun. Ahhhh, I'm so excited. But I'm about to go lay down..& just think about you & all the things we can do together, very soon!

I love you, so much, wonderful, sexy, amazinggg. :D